Comments on Casaubon's Book: 52 Weeks Down - Week 30 - Nurse - and Encouraging ...

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2009-12-21T22:04:14.600-08:00

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2009-09-18T00:46:20.308-07:00

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2009-05-22T17:28:55.794-07:00

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希望大家都會非常非常幸福~「朵朵小語‧優美的眷戀在這個世界上，最重要的一件事，就是好好愛自己。好好愛...

2009-03-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

希望大家都會非常非常幸福~
「朵朵小語‧優美的眷戀在這個世界上，最重要的一件事，就是好好愛自己。好好愛自己，你的眼睛才能看見天空的美麗，耳朵才能聽見山水的清音。好好愛自己，你才能體會所有美好的東西，所有的文字與音符才能像清泉一樣注入你的心靈。好好愛自己，你才有愛人的能力，也才有讓別人愛上你的魅力。而愛自己的第一步，就是切斷讓自己覺得黏膩的過去，以無沾無滯的輕快心情，大步走向前去。愛自己的第二步，則是隨時保持孩子般的好奇，願意接受未知的指引；也隨時可以拋卻不再需要的行囊，一路雲淡風輕。親愛的，你是天地之間獨一無二的旅人，在陽光與月光的交替之中瀟灑獨行 .............................................................................................................
有時，你覺得痛。胃痛的時候，接受它，承認這個疼痛是你的身體的一部份，與它和平共處。心痛的時候，接受它，承認這個經驗是你的生命的一部份，與它和平共處。抗拒痛的存在，只會讓它更要證明它的存在，於是你就更痛。所以，.無論你有多麼不喜歡痛的感覺，還是要接納這個痛的事實。與你的痛站在同一邊，不逃避，不閃躲，不再與你的痛爭執，如此，你的痛才會漸漸不再胡鬧，才會乖乖平息下去。.................

I'm 20 years old and still in college and am not t...

2007-12-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

I'm 20 years old and still in college and am not thinking about having kids soon. But nevertheless, being the oldest in my generation of my family and seeing 8 of my cousins/siblings being born has got me thinking about being a mother from time to time. I have always thought that breastfeeding was the best option and one that I would take. After reading this post and everyones' comments, I am even more convinced. Thanks for all the information.

Thanks - it was nice to read this as I'm nursing m...

2007-12-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Thanks - it was nice to read this as I'm nursing my sick, clingy 1-year-old who hasn't wanted to eat solid food all week.

8 years. Wow.

I agree with the earlier comments on how a husband...

2007-12-12T13:59:00.000-08:00

I agree with the earlier comments on how a husband can support nursing but I have a couple to add.

I've chatted with a number of first time dads on some of this material. Dads frequently experience jealously of a first baby. No one is really prepared for a new kid, and few really understand the time and commitment involved. If the mother is going to nurse, then that is almost all they can do for the first few weeks. Here is this amazingly intimate act, and now your wonderful SO has time and intimacy only for the new baby. Here is the beginning of a bond, that will ultimately be greater than the mother's bond with you, or the babies bond with you. You will forever be 2nd place to both of the people you love most. And of course you're probably stressed, sleep-deprived and not at your most rational.

So naturally you're jealous of the baby that it gets all this time and attention and love from the mother, and jealous of the mother, that she can provide for the child in a way that you never can, and can establish a bond with it that you never can.

With many new fathers, this turns into a little seed of resentment or competition or something. Besides, previously the breasts were a primarily sexual object, and in a sense private and now they are a food object and public. Some men express the sentiment that breastfeeding is a sexual turn off. I suspect it is, for some, but that part of what is really going on is a turf war. The man want breasts to be the way they were, sexual, and thus to be covered in public. The baby want breasts to be food and the new normal.

I've seen fathers that were trying to be supportive of breastfeeding undermine it in little covert ways, because they were emotionally conflicted about it, and secretly be relieved when it ended. Maybe it will be in the form of sexual anxiety. Or compulsive before and after weighing. Or other relationship issues. Or some other manifestation. I'll bet that the mothers picked up on some of that, and that it was part of the story.

In our case, my wife pumped breastmilk some, and I at least got to bottle feed our eldest occasionally (and she got to sleep for a stretch), and I found this to be helpful to adjusting. Even if you don't pump full time, I advocate at least some pumping, so that both partners can be involved. But hey it may not work for everyone. Women usually grapple with the emotional changes of pregnancy and afterwards, the loss of privacy, the new normal, etc. But every new dad ALSO needs to process a lot of emotional issues, and many don't even realize they need to or have a venue to do so, and these DO impact breastfeeding success.

Anyway that is my take

-Brian M.

Anony, I've met other moms who pump full time, and...

2007-12-12T11:51:00.000-08:00

Anony, I've met other moms who pump full time, and I think it's one of the most selfless things you can do for your child. I pumped twice a day for over a year when I was at work and pumping is basically really boring and annoying. It's even more isolating than nursing, and cuddling with plastic is no fun. It's terrible that you couldn't connect with LLL or a good nurse or really experienced mom, because when I had trouble at the beginning (three months of trouble!) that made all the difference.

While I'm impressed with those of you with the whe...

2007-12-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

While I'm impressed with those of you with the wherewithall to breastfeed for more than a year, choosing to breastfeed or use formula is not always a choice. With my daughter, I attempted for three weeks to breastfeed, and saw three different lactation consultants before we gave up. Contacts with the la leche league in my area were never returned. The nurses at the hospital were horrible to me because my daughter wouldn't latch and her blood sugar levels dropped.
I was devastated and felt I had let her down as a mother.
There is a third option no one typically discusses, and that is full-time pumping. Yes, it is a tremendous amount of work (6 times a day for me for a year), but it was worth it knowing my child would have a lower risk of diabetes, a serious problem in our family.
Interestingly, I got grief from both sides of our family about our decision. I don't know if it was wierd to them, or simply made them uncomfortable on a weekend visit to have me "hooked up," even though I was covered while watching a show or whatever. Ultimately, I felt Like I had to hide in my own house.
Someday, we might actually as a society remember that this is a system that worked for centuries. I don't think we're there yet.

Crunchy,We always have the baby sit on our laps at...

2007-12-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

Crunchy,
We always have the baby sit on our laps at the table once he can. When he starts trying to swipe the food from our plates, then we let him have a bit (assuming we're eating something baby-safe). When he gets really interested in trying to eat, then we move him to the high chair.
We don't do babyfood, just finely chopped whatever we're eating. We used to do cheerios, but we don't buy those anymore. We don't feed the baby unless we're having something like yogurt or applesauce that he can't do for himself. (Self-feeding also keeps him entertained while we're eating.)
Support: emotional and not complaining when the floor hasn't been swept, the dishes haven't been washed, and the food's burned. Helping with those if at all possible.

Emily, Rosa covered a lot of it, but a lot of husb...

2007-12-12T06:50:00.000-08:00

Emily, Rosa covered a lot of it, but a lot of husband support of breastfeeding is just recognizing that when you've had a baby and are nursing, at first, that's the whole project for you - less so with subsequent kids, I think, but especially with the first. There's a period where learning to nurse is all you can do, and sometimes then you need your husband sitting there with the book showing you different latch positions and reassuring you it is ok. Sometimes it is a matter of being willing to pick up a lot of slack because you have to sit there and nurse. Sometimes it is willing to say to the discouraging people "I'm really proud of her." Sometimes it is just willing to listen to you complain. It really depends on the husband and whether you have trouble or not, but for me, the most important spousal thing was just being in on the project.

Rosa, you are right about support - my first son was *NOT* into being covered - as soon as he could he'd try and remove anything even remotely near my face. I used to joke that every single person on earth has now seen by boobs ;-). And I'm no fan of Stalinist breastfeeding advocates - one of the funnier things I've ever seen was a couple came in to tour the local birthing center when I did, they were clearly a "yours, mine and ours" two woman couple. And the non-pregnant partner referred to when she had her babies while the lactation consultant was there. The lactation consultant asked if she'd nursed, and she said, no, she hadn't been able to. The lactation consultant started off on a rant about how everyone can breastfeed, and how anyone who tells you different is crazy, and the non-pregnant partner very calmly interrupted her and said, "When I had my kids, I was a man - I hadn't transitioned yet. So I didn't nurse them." I've never laughed so hard.

Of coures, according to the La Leche league, given "sufficient stimulation" 10% of all men can lactate. I bring that up fairly often, although we've never explored what "sufficient stimulation" might be - so perhaps husbandly support from a *really* supportive husband would be doing a full half of the nursing ;-).

Sharon

I think emotional support is the most important. M...

2007-12-12T06:26:00.000-08:00

I think emotional support is the most important. My boyfriend was really supportive early on, which made it easier to take as our son got older and his dad got super anxious about the amount he was eating.(It was really difficult for him not being able to measure the amount of breastmilk Mica was taking in - for a while he was going to buy a baby scale so we could measure him pre- and post-feeding - our pediatrician called it a "medical device to treat parental anxiety". It was pretty much because of that anxiety that I weaned when I did.

But there are a lot of practical things. One is allowing for the time it takes to nurse. We took a lot of long car trips and two nursing breaks add an hour of time to a trip. If you also pump, there's time for that and cleaning bottles & pump equipment. There's distracting older kids so mom & baby can nurse undisturbed. For guys who don't usually do housework there's picking up some of that slack, though we split housework pretty evenly so that didn't really apply to me. Not complaining about the cost of nursing bras. Oh, standing up for the decision to nurse instead of wilting under pressure - i've seen dads do that when people make negative comments about nursing (or having babies at all, actually) -- "Well, you know, she wanted to."

Just in general buying into the idea like a grownup coparent, instead of acting like it's some bizarre female whim.

But I think it's important for women to support each other, too - not everyone is going to do things just like you. Some women have kids who won't eat with their heads covered. Some women are going to have babies who can't latch on and be feeding them a bottle (you can't tell from looking whether it's breastmilk or formula.) Some women try to stick to a schedule and will have a hungry baby they are not feeding yet. Some of us have weird scrawny babies who nurse every hour and a half for a year. Some people's kids self-wean at 8 months in favor of solid food. There's no "Good Mommy" prize for making all of us moms look good.

I think housefairy is right about traumatic surgic...

2007-12-12T06:24:00.000-08:00

I think housefairy is right about traumatic surgical births putting off women from nursing, and for some like me, from having kids at all. The stories of my mom's two horrific C-sections with awful scarring, and my grandmother's pregnancy--which resulted in my aunt being retarded due to lack of oxygen during birth--completely destroyed any of my nascent maternal instinct. I just never could get past the idea of getting cut open or risking death to have a baby. Childbirth ain't for sissies!

An interesting discussion, Sharon. Thank you.

Anna Marie

I don't have kids, but would like too sooner or la...

2007-12-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

I don't have kids, but would like too sooner or later, so I'm wondering:
How does a husband give his support? Do you mean that he does other things for you while you're nursing? Does he somehow have a hands-on, how-can-we-make-the-baby-latch-on approach? Or just recognizing that your time is governed (certainly at the beginning) by something other than what you might normally like to do together during that half-hour?

I nursed my daughter until she was two, and my twi...

2007-12-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

I nursed my daughter until she was two, and my twins until they were fourteen months (they got interested in other things and stopped on their own).

When I was in the hospital with my daughter, a nurse tried to tell me I was going to kill her from nursing because her blood sugar went down (it was still normal, but it went down some, oh noez). I gave her an ounce of formula (just to shut the nurse up) which she promptly spit out, her blood sugar went back up after she nursed some more and all was well. Stupid nurse.

I ALWAYS covered up, I hate when people have to be exhibitionists, it really gives nursing a bad name. I've nursed in church, at basketball games, in movie theaters, and no one was the wiser. I needed help when the twins were small and couldn't latch on without help, but I didn't go out when they were that little much anyways, and when I did my husband helped me.

My kids are 16 and 12 now, very healthy, and extremely smart. You have to really want to nurse these days but it's definitely worth it.

Sharon, I welcome favourable comments from anyone,...

2007-12-11T14:35:00.000-08:00

Sharon, I welcome favourable comments from anyone, just because it's so uncommon. I always make a point of smiling at mothers I see nursing their kids, and the bigger the kid the more likely I am to comment just because it's so vanishingly rare! My toddler only really nurses before naps and bedtime so I don't feed her in public any more, but I love seeing mothers who aren't freaked out by public reactions to feeding a gigantic toddler.

I wouldn't say that breastfeeding is becoming more acceptable when online spaces like MySpace, LiveJournal and most recently You-Tube have banned images and film of nursing babies on their site :-(

Liz in Australia

boysmom, thanks for mentioning the 'instinctive av...

2007-12-11T14:04:00.000-08:00

boysmom, thanks for mentioning the 'instinctive aversion' and 'survival benefit' pairing. I've never come across that idea and it makes good sense. Unfortunately my guy is 12. I think with him there's a texture component and he's generally diffident about textures, smells, etc. I secretly wonder about how he's going to handle sex ;-)

Another thing I want to mention is that I frequently tell my kids about when they were nursed. I think it's important that it's part of the stories they have about their early years, especially as nursing isn't something we encounter every day.

Susan in Ontario

Blessings to all you courageous nursing moms. It'...

2007-12-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

Blessings to all you courageous nursing moms. It's not easy when society offers minimal support. In 15 or 20 years you'll remember your nursing years with joy and gratefulness.

Nursing is the natural and harmonious thing to do, and it benefits yourselves, your children, humanity and the environment.

I nursed my sons a total of 5 years and many times referred to the book "The Womanly Art of Breatfeeding" by La Leche League. I highly recommended it. The homeopathic remedy Phytolacca Decandra was helpful when as a new nursing mom I suffered a mild breast infection from engorgement. It worked like magic!

Keep up the awesome work and enjoy co-sleeping. They grow up too fast!

~Vegan/Leaving So. FL

This was very well writeen, and congratulations on...

2007-12-11T10:19:00.000-08:00

This was very well writeen, and congratulations on the tandem nursing and the 8 years of being a wonderfully important person to your children and to society, as you so correctly put it. It am pregnant with our fifth baby and have been nursing continuously since 1997! It doesnt seem like a big deal to me now, but I know that it is. Thank you for reminding me.

I have had my share of unsupportive freinds and family, especially with the first baby, but once they all realized that this was what we were gonna do, then they went from freaked out, to accepting, to supportive.

I, too, have had great sadness when hearing the reapeted and repeated stories of moms who "didnt have enough milk", etc and then especially the ones who refused to even try with subsequent babaies, probably out of fear of all that perceived "failure". Figure in the traumatic surgical births, and you got it right, many women are up against so much difficulty right off the bat--let alone any real difficulties that can be had with the most supportive and peaceful environments.

It is hard and it is important. It is lowly and homely and simple and that is why it seems to have no value whatsoever in this money grubbing plastic society that values "independance" and "autonomy" over relationships and human needs. And why we must put nursing women at the forefront of our priorities, socially, politically and otherwise.

Great blog!

I am nursing my 6 month old and he also does not l...

2007-12-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

I am nursing my 6 month old and he also does not like taking a bottle. It is very rare that we give them to him, but if he is alone with Dad sometimes he gets them. I know one afternoon with my MIL he boycotted for 4 hours (he still usually nurses at least every 3 hours if not more frequently). When did everyone start adding other types of food, I'm not going to wean, just add. And what food did you start with?

You know, the time gap when breastfeeding was real...

2007-12-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

You know, the time gap when breastfeeding was really discouraged was actually pretty short - I'm not sure my grandmother even had formula as an option when she had her babies, and La Leche League reached rural Iowa between when I was born in '74 and my little brother in '78.

There are still bad doctors out there (like the one who told my stepsister to stop nursing because her babies had jaundice) and the occasional dumb boobophobe, but it seems like this is one issue that is actually getting better all the time.

Susan,Maybe it's an age thing: I read somewhere re...

2007-12-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

Susan,
Maybe it's an age thing: I read somewhere recently that toddlers have an instinctive aversion to eating new things (unlike babies, who eat anything, food or not) because it has a survival benefit for the child, who would have been historicly less supervised than a baby.

Boysmom, I didn't do anything particularly to nurs...

2007-12-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

Boysmom, I didn't do anything particularly to nurse during pregnancy - I think sometimes the taste of the milk does change, and some kids don't like it and wean. I was lucky - none of mine seemed to mind. By the end of the pregnancy there wasn't very much milk, either, but they didn't seem to care.

We always moved them into cribs by around 1 year - I'm not a good co-sleeper - I never sleep well at all when I'm nursing, so I kicked them out. I had a friend who started offering a baby bottle with water at night only, and made a "no nursing until" rule, but I never did that.

Richard, thanks for pointing up the essential role of husbands in specific - you are right, spousal support is huge. I was lucky to have it, and I don't think it even registered on me how difficult it could be without it until I saw another friend experience a nursing-ambivalent partner.

Katuah, I'm awed by your partner's courage - I don't think I could have done that! I could never pump very well, so I was lucky that our son had a good latch early.

Rosa, that's a good point too. I think sometimes the early days of parenting seem to new mothers like they will go on forever, and it helps to offer some perspective - nursing every 3 hours doesn't mean you'll have to do that for the rest of your life.

Boysmom and Megan, I'm not sure but I thought that the IQ boost (which may be true) might also be attributable to the fact that better educated women are more likely to nurse. But yes, the construction of it is part of the problem - we should be observing how formula hurts children. That's an excellent point!

Bornfamous, I forgot about that scene! Thanks for reminding me.

Anonymous, I don't know - I've had a number of men compliment me on nursing, and never found it weird. I've particularly been pleased when older men stop and tell me that they are happy to see a woman nursing a baby, or that their wives or daughters nursed their kids or grandkids. Maybe I'm weird, though. Other opinions on this one?

Sharon

Annony,I think it mostly depends on how the man ph...

2007-12-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Annony,
I think it mostly depends on how the man phrases it.
"It's wonderful to see a mother nursing her baby, too few women do these days."
Is a much better choice of phrasing that "Hey, I like seeing you do that."
FWIW, with my first, I got a comment from a gentleman old enough to be my grandfather along the lines of my first example. It didn't bother me at all. Of course, in public, I cover up, so it's not like anyone sees anything.
I haven't been nursing for eight years, like Sharon, more like four, but with short breaks between boys. In the areas I've lived nobody makes negative comments about nursing, and no one has asked me to go nurse in the bathroom or some such. But in these areas modesty while nursing is very important: people would get offended by seeing a bare breast. Rocky Mountain Northwest, you could call the general region.

This is a really important topic, one that I often...

2007-12-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is a really important topic, one that I often discuss with my friends and husband, as I truly fear for the future. Breastfeeding used to be common, women, men, and children saw it everywhere, every day as a part of normal life. It was not sexualised or considered obscene, and as such, girls grew up knowing how to breastfeed, and there were dozens of women around them who could give them support and advice, and in some cases, be a wet nurse for them if all else failed.
I believe this is how it will be in the future, but things will have to drastically change. I'm currently nursing a one year old, and can't imagine doing it any other way. Saving money, saving time, saving stress and in return getting the best cuddles, a healthy happy and smart baby, and time out for myself to just be a mum.
I live in Dubai, and the subject is often discussed about whether or not it is ok to nurse in public, and I say 'sure, why not!'. I'm a woman who covers, and I've nursed my son anywhere and everywhere.
There is no sense in giving birth to a baby, having your body produce 'human milk', but choosing instead to give your baby modified cow's milk. Human milk for humans, simple as that.